When She Loved Me
by Lady of Lies
Summary: The Doctor reflects on his lost companion and love at the end of Doomsday. Songfic with Sarah McLachlan's "When She Loved Me"


When She Loved Me

Disclaimer: I do not own Doctor Who, or this song, or the movie (Toy Story 2) it was in.

Summary: The Doctor reflects on his lost companion and love at the end of Doomsday.

* * *

><p>"…love you," he finished as his image faded from Bad Wolf Bay, pretending that she heard his final words.<p>

But he knew in his hearts that his final words did not fall upon her ears.

And that nearly killed him.

She confessed her heart's true feelings about him, and it broke his heart that she would never know his hearts' truth. A tear fell upon his cheek when he realized the irony of the situation.

He finally knew that she loved him, but she was out of his life forever without ever knowing that the feelings were most definitely mutual.

After dancing around their feelings for so long, the love between the two that everybody in the entire universe could see but the two of them was open and exposed, at least to him.

More tears fell when he stated to his ship, "She loved me." The Tardis sadly hummed in reply.

_When somebody loved me, everything was beautiful_

* * *

><p>He never meant to have her in his life at all.<p>

It was just another routine trip to another meaningless place, another investigation of an extraterrestrial invasion of another planet that would be unprepared to fight back.

And the humans on earth definitely wasn't ready to fight anything for a very long time if they were ever ready

"Stupid little apes," he used to call them.

He had traced the signal of the plastic creatures to a random store in London in the boring year of 2005.

Nothing happened then. So he could go in, find the signal, destroy it, and move on. No problem

* * *

><p>Then he met Rose Tyler, and everything changed.<p>

* * *

><p><em> Every hour we spent together, lives within my heart(s)<em>

She saved his life that time so he took a chance and invited her along with him.

There was something about her that started to break down the walls. Walls that formed around his hearts since the Time War.

She brought such a light with her where ever they went. He couldn't wait for the time came on their adventures when something would go wrong.

Not that he ever wanted to put her in any sort of danger. He would do anything to keep her safe, but travelling with him warranted a certain amount of just that. It also didn't help that she was jeopardy friendly. 'Extremely jeopardy friendly,' he chuckled softly to himself.

But when that did occur, he did not hesitate to take hold of her hand whenever they had to run from anything. Their hands fit together like two perfect puzzle pieces.

Every adventure always had them running. Always running.

Oh, the feeling of her fingers intertwined with his. If there was such a thing as magic, which there wasn't, this was as close as it could ever get for him.

* * *

><p><em>And when she was sad, I was there to dry her tears<br>And when she was happy, so was I, when she loved me.  
><em>

It always amazed him how compassionate she was towards the creatures they met, no matter if they were human or extraterrestrial. She always wanted to save everyone, and it broke his heart when he couldn't do just that.

She would shut her eyes and turn into him when that would happen and cry softly into his chest.

That was the saddest sound in any universe to him. It was also one of the most beautiful.

But just like holding her hand, her crying into his chest gave him an excuse to hold her close. Just for a second.

Moments like that were lost to him now.

* * *

><p>He runs his fingers through his hair, tears forming slightly in his eyes, and sighed, sinking down into his seat as more memories fought their way to the surface of his mind.<p>

_Through the summer and the fall, we had each other, that was all  
>Just she and I together, like it was meant to be<em>

Oh the places they travelled together. Constantly causing or getting into some sort of trouble everywhere they went. She was never afraid to try or do anything that would cause any normal human to go running scared.

No. His Rose was fearless.

No. That isn't the right tense. Is fearless. "She isn't dead," he reminded himself, "She is alive and well."

But he knew she wasn't alright. He could sense her heart breaking as they stood on the beach at their last meeting. She confessed her love, and he, like a fool, wasted precious time trying to act all calm and cool.

"_Quite right too"_

Quite right? He could have told her "I love you" in those wasted breaths.

* * *

><p>What's that old earth saying? Better to have loved and lost, than to have never have loved at all.<p>

Yeah and now she would spend the rest of her days, unaware that her love was indeed returned.

He wished so desperately for the chance to hold her again, for her to hear the words he so desperately longed for her to say.

_And when she was lonely, I was there to comfort her  
>And I knew that she loved me.<br>So the years went by, I stayed the same  
>And she began to drift away, I was left alone<em>

* * *

><p>He'd dreamed about the day that she'd tell him she loved him.<p>

In those dreams, they'd hold each other close, exchange "I love you's", and share in a real, non-possession or vortex extracting, kiss.

Well, part of that dream came true. She did tell him that she loved him. Just not the way he expected, or wanted.

The woman that could have very well been the love of his life, gone. At least to him.

* * *

><p><em>Still I waited for the day, when she'd say "I will always love you."<em>

"_I love you…" She choked out._

Those words haunted him now. Replaying over and over again in his mind like a mental broken record._  
>Lonely and forgotten, never thought she'd look my way.<em>

_She smiled at me and held me, just like she used to do,_

When he met her on the beach, She, for a brief second, gave him a tiny, beautiful smile. Not like the bright big smiles that he was used to but no less beautiful to him.

"My beautiful Rose," he murmured through his tears.

_Like she loved me, when she loved me_

"_I love you"_ her voice haunted him again as a tear falls from his eye. He took a deep, heavy breath and fired up the Tardis. While the Tardis floated in the time vortex, he wandered over to her room on the ship. He sat down on her bed, soaking in the memory of her. He then noticed her jacket lying on the bed. Picking it up, he held it tightly to him as he made his way back to the console room. He drew comfort from the jacket, recalling her scent and the times that she had worn it.

* * *

><p>He began to lose himself in his memories and tossed the jacket on the console room floor.<p>

He barely even noticed when the bride appeared in the room while the Tardis was in mid flight.

_When somebody loved me, everything was beautiful,_

"What?" He exclaimed when the bride addressed him, briefly bringing him out of his reverie.

He was honestly grateful for the distraction as he conversed with the red-head, until she picked up the jacket and began questioning him on it.

_Every hour we spent together, lives within my heart_

His hearts nearly broke when she asked just where the jacket's owner was.

That's when it hit him.

* * *

><p>"She's gone."<p>

_When she loved me._


End file.
